Perfectly Placed

Tonight has just been another one of those nights when I am again reminded of what I don't have.
It's not fun, just so you know. Not even a little. And when I get in this mindset it's hard to focus on what I DO have (mainly because if I had someone special in my life to share it with it would be that much better)
BUT....
the Holy Spirit always reminds me of the Letter to the Exiles, a letter that resonates with me.
You probably know it as "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord...." but I know it as SO much more.
"This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon:  “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the LORD. This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:4-15

Build houses, raise families, plant crops. You are going to be here for a while, settle in. These people had dreams, exile probably never entered their minds. They had plans in Jerusalem and lives there.
But God had other plans. God WANTED them in exile, the exile into which he carried them. He asks them to pray for and seek peace and prosperity which to me implies a significant lack in such things.
But the bedrock of the truth is TRUST. He wants them to trust Him with their lives. He knows what he's doing, he knows the effect it will have. God has me where he wants me. I'm perfectly placed. I may not do what he wants all the time (or most of the time) but he still uses me in ways I don't even see. My station in life (and love life) is what God wants.
AND...I'm done trying to find this "Mr. Right" We are not playing some big game of hide and seek. He has not entered my life yet and I'm thankful because although I may be in denial about it (and maybe him as well) I'm not ready or he's not ready. He's out there, i know this BUT I don't want him until he's ready for me. I don't want him until I'm perfect for him.

Sprirtual Epiphanies Don't Mind the Time



Eowyn daughter of King Theoden.



Sometimes I think of God at the oddest times. Showers and driving are the most frequent. Today it happened while going down to my office. I had just showered and felt so clean and loved starting my day fresh ( LITERALLY!)

Then the idea of a fresh start with God came to mind. I should feel this freshness with God every day. A new day, another gift from God. Another day to experience His love and majesty.

Like washing away the dirt of the day before I should wash me of myself and bathe in the Spirit. Each day to be lived for God, not myself.

As Paul says we should die to ourselves DAILY. Get up in the morning and rid ourselves of our sinful nature and put on the armor of God to battle this crazy situation called life.

Two forces are at war around and within us, we just have to be aware and KNOW who we're dealing with and who's side we're on.

We are not only sons and daughters of God but we are WARRIORS.

Speculated Love Story

Every girl wonders how her love story is going to play out. Will it be something akin to a Meg Ryan or Hugh Grant movie? Will I want nothing to do with him until he falls in love with me as Elizabeth Bennett did in Pride and Prejudice? Or will my prince take one look at me and want to marry me much like the princesses that ruled my childhood? I don't know....

BUT....

I can make an educated guess.

My speculated story is simple.

It follows two lines from songs sung by Belle.

“Here’s where she meets Prince Charming but she won’t discover that it’s him ‘til chapter three”

This is COMPLETELY me. I’m so oblivious it’s ridiculous. Who knows, I may have already met the person God has for me. But God’s timing is perfect whether we’ve met or not. I can see myself being friends with someone and then realizing later just WHO they are and wondering why I didn’t see it before.

and then after I realize that this is the man God has prepared for me I’ll probably think this:

“New and a bit alarming.

Who'd have ever thought that this could be?

True that he's no Prince Charming

But there's something in him that I simply didn't see”

Relationships in general tend to alarm me. The next one is the last one I plan to have.

I’m not expecting Prince Charming. I don’t want perfection. I want someone whose weaknesses mirror my strengths and vice versa, someone to serve God with.

THAT is my Prince Charming

But who knows the plan except the Father. I trust that He will work out things for my good. Who knows when I will meet this man. Could be today or years from now.

But when he comes I know one thing

I’ll be ready

Glory

"What is the glory of God? It is who God is. It is the essence of his nature, the weight of his importance, the radiance of his splendor, the demonstration of his power, and the atmosphere of his presence. God's glory is the expression of his goodness and all his other intrinsic, eternal qualities"

-- Rick Warren Purpose Driven Life

Morning Solace by plague rat on Deviant ARt

That reminded me of a verse from  a Phil Wickham song (surprise surprise) called "Beautiful"

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say

You're beautiful

I don't know why....oh well. God is creative, beautiful, love, radiant, powerful, and just plain AMAZING. 

I truly love being amazed by Him each and every day.

You are who you are for a reason.....

This poem is exactly what I needed today

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perect unique design,
Called to God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together with the womb,
You're just what He wanted to make



The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason.
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, Beloved,
Because there is a God!

Written By Russell Kelfer

They entertain me...which is good because they're entertainers.

Of all the actors and actresses that I have stored in my rolodex of a brain. Of all the movies i've watched, the shows i've watched and the...well there's really nothing else for actors and actresses is there except for plays...i like plays but to my knowledge i've never seen these people on stage. These five people i will go see anything they're in, watch any show, and let a squeal of delight escape when i see their face

My Top 5 Actors/Actresses

(these are in no particular order...just the order that my brain thought of them)

1. Jane Lynch

This woman makes me ridiculously happy. I was surprised by her guest appearance in Psych as Chief Vick's older sister and she has continued to delight me with her surprise appearances (Best in Show and Julie and Julia)

She's has the Greg Kinnear effect on me and I love it.

2. Emma Thompson

She has captured my heart on more than one occasion but never more so than her character in Love Actually. I just wanted to hug her and tell her she is loved. She played my favorite character in Much Ado About Nothing and also was absolutely gorgeous in Sense and Sensibility (which is hard to do with Kate Winslet as a sister) I was surprised by her in Stranger than Fiction, definitely not expecting one of my favorite actresses to be in the movie. I also love that recently she has given up being glamorous in movie and portraying character like Nanny McPhee and Professor Trelawney. That is the mark of a wonderful actress

From the movie Gorgeous...i LOVE that movie

3. Jackie Chan

Do I really need to explain?? I've loved Jackie Chan since before Jackie Chan was cool. I remember as a kid watching "Who Am I?" and "Gorgeous" What ten year old loves Jackie Chan that much...i mean REALLY? I watched the cartoon and never one denounced my love of this amazing Chinaman. ---> from the movie Gorgeous...my favorite Jackie Chan movie

4. Alton Brown

yes...he's only on the food network but the guy is AMAZING.

"Brown notes that he was dissatisfied with the quality of cooking shows airing on American television, so he set out to produce his own show. In preparation, he enrolled in the New England Culinary Institute, graduating in 1997. Brown says that he was a poor science student in high school and college, but he focused on the subject to understand the underlying processes of cooking."

HE'S THE BILL NYE OF COOKING!!!

and that's why i love him =)

5. Greg Kinnear

this is where Greg Kinnear differs from the rest of my favorite actors/actresses. I never seek out Greg Kinnear movies. I never see a movie JUST because Greg Kinnear is in it. Greg Kinnear is always that special surprise waiting for me within a movie. And that, my friends, is the Greg Kinnear Theory. Every time Greg Kinnear shows up in a movie I always say "oh..Greg Kinnear...i LOVE Greg Kinnear!" You've Got Mail, Ghost Town, Stuck on You, and As Good As It Gets...just to name a few

Mystery Men (just thought of it) I saw that movie for William H Macy alone. Love it! Janine Gurfalo was a plus though

This thing called a Ferris Wheel

My new bookmark...YAY

I'm so excited about my new bookmark...it's a Ferris Wheel. I love Ferris Wheels. Why?
This quote:

'When I was little, I didn’t know what the purpose of Ferris Wheel was. It’s just slow and tall. But now, I kind of understand. This thing called a Ferris wheel is here so you can peacefully sit with the person you like and traverse the sky.'

I read this quote and my mind is taken back to the characters i love in that scene. It's from an anime (yes I watched anime) called Honey and Clover. My eyes soften and well up just thinking about it. So good. The main character said this and it stayed with me. Years have passed and this quote is still with me.
And when I go on my honeymoon one thing I want to do is ride a Ferris Wheel. I've yet to ride one or even see a Ferris Wheel. But I want to share that moment with the one I not only like...but love.

To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark

I've decided to write about why I love to read so much. I remember learning to read very clearly. But I loved books before I could even read. I had this book that my mother read to me so many times I memorized it and though I couldn't read (I think I was about 4) I "read" that book constantly, turning the pages and spouting off the words. As the daughter of a bookworm I naturally fell into the world of books. I remember reading the Little House books, The Giver, and numerous other books. In elementary school during recess I was usually found in the library...just to be with the books. So here are just some of the reasons why books are amazing...

1. I love knowing that somewhere, sometime, someone else enjoyed this book as much as I am. I think that especially with classic literature. It's a very "whoa" moment when you think that a girl my age probably sat in her garden or in a window with her petticoats about her reading this book and enjoying it just as much. That men and women's hearts and lives were touched by these books.....wow

2. One of my favorites parts of reading is turning the page. When I have a good book my fingers rest under the page just waiting to turn it. Turning the pages, revealing more the story, more of the lives, more of the thoughts...it's just wonderful

3. I love the way a book transports me. It's like a Scotty with a binding. I can get lost for what seems like hours in a book, yet in reality it's only been 15 or 20 minutes. To feel like you're not only in the story but a part of it..that, my friends, is the mark of a good book.

4. I love how some characters stay with me. When I read the book again it's like visiting an old friend. To once again read the book with Clayton, a character I was in love with. To live life again with Delancey and  Mackenzie. To be right there with Angel as she struggles. To be with Jonas as he discovers color, war and snow. I could go on and on...but you get what I'm talking about =)

So those are just some of the reasons I love to read. It's a part of me and I hope to never stop.

I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

I read a book of the bible that I have never read before, a book that I didn't think I was mature enough to read for a very long time, but that time did come..and I read it. Song of Solomon. One of those books that never once mention God but his beauty and love is woven throughout. 

One verse I have taken to heart is the charge that the Shulammite poses to the Daughters of Jerusalem. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (Songs 2:7). This is one of the things I know I struggle with the most and it seems to be the same struggle I see all around me. Yet what differs from me and what I see? I realize it's a struggle..not just life, not just "the game".  As I said previously I don't like dating, never have. This verse further strengthens my resolve to wait until God (who is love) is ready, until I AM READY. 

Too many times I have followed my heart, my emotions, and convinced my mind that what I was doing was right. But as I have all too clearly learned "The heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer 17:9). 

The problem is that the love lies are EVERYWHERE. In movies. In music. In books. Everyone wants to have a love like this person or that person. They want to reenact a movie, a book. I've done it. Music is the one for me. I won't lie...I've sat in my car and pretended they were singing that love song about me. I wish for Jack Black from The Holiday to have dinner with me and my old Jewish buddies and go to blockbuster. It's normal and it's poison.

"To be loved to madness-such was her great desire. Love was to her the one cordial which could drive away the eating loneliness of her days. And she seems to long for the abstraction called passionate love more than for any particular lover" Thomas Hardy "The Return of the Native"

That quote...that describes me more than I like to admit.

I hope to grow away from that. To know love as not just a feeling but a verb, an ability. 

I don't want to arouse or awaken love before it so desires. 

I don't want to.

ok so ten minutes later I decide this post needs music
I can't decide which video though, so you pick. Same song, two different yet equally awesome videos.
So you can pick. Aladdin or Jim and Pam

 or
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4BjODVXWME&feature=related

Boy Crazy...

I felt the urge to write...but have no idea of what. So I'm gonna wiki Timothy really quick....

STANDBY

ok so interesting fact (well...wiki-facts) already

Paul circumcised Timothy personally (how awkward would that be) because even though his father was Greek his mother was a Jewish Christian.

Not the point..

For some reason this morning I felt the urge to read Timothy. I'm in the midst of the Psalms right now. I've never read them through (how weird is that). I heeded the call to read my bible, which usually comes early in the morning when I would rather sleep and usually end I'm doing so, and I thought nothing of it.

Later in the day conviction hit me like a brick in the head

(if you've seen Home Alone 2 then you know what I mean)

I think my conviction calls for a back-story.

Fact. 

I am not comfortable with dating. Never have been. Don't like going on the dates. I'm entirely better at being friends. And recently it has come to my attention that I'm always the rebound girl (go me.) As more pressure and blind dates come my way I'm starting to find out what the bible says about relations with the opposite sex prior to marriage. Basically seeing how I can approach this season of my life biblically.

1: Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Tim 5:1b)

Treating younger men and women as brothers and sisters in Christ. Not as a potential date or boyfriend/girlfriend (which I am all too guilty of). And not just with purity but ABSOLUTE purity. I don't know what that is yet..but I am very anxious to find out.

2: Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Tim 2:22-23)

First question I had when reading this...what are the evil desires of youth? For me they are lust and coveting. I covet other's relationships entirely more often than I should. I want what they have. I covet the companionship, the comfort, and the fact that they have someone to lean on. And of course I'm attracted to the opposite sex. I have small crushes and romantic interests.

What should I do? Flee.

I don't want to give in to those small crushes with hopes of the same things my friends have.

I want to trust in the Lord, hope in the Lord, wait on the Lord, and above all DELIGHT in the Lord.

That is my prayer.

Other awesome verses in Timothy

The Obvious: Command and teach these things. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an examplee for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the piblic reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. 1 Tim 4:11-13

and

Watch your life and doctrine closely. Perserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1Tim 4:16

and another (I picture timothy from youth group in this one lol)

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 2 Tim 3:14-15

and another favorite

Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage-with great patience and careful instruction 2 Tim 4:2 (just love the in season and out of season...ALWAYS)

and lastly

But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry 2 Tim 4:5

That's it for tonight.

We'll see what God has in store

Kinda can't wait

=)

Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day

Yesterday two of my closest friends vowed to love and cherish each other til death. Even sitting here I want to cry happy tears at the sight of my mind's eye. I have never seen anything so beautiful, so wonderful, and so right. For the past two years these friends have shown me what true commitment is, despite all of the odds stacked against them. And now they are getting ready to go on their honeymoon cruise and reaping all of the benefits of being "just married" and knowing Alex like I do...I KNOW he is using the "we're on our honeymoon" line like crazy. 
His face when he saw her was priceless....I don't think he was able to move for a minute or two. 

I'm just so overcome with joy and happiness that I want to spill over and just watching them glide around the room (opposite sides of course...I love how that happens at weddings) and watching them share this special day with friends and family. I know this is a day I will lock in my memory to save for a time when it seems everything is against me. I can look back on this day, smile, and know that life is wonderful