Monday, June 14, 2010

I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

I read a book of the bible that I have never read before, a book that I didn't think I was mature enough to read for a very long time, but that time did come..and I read it. Song of Solomon. One of those books that never once mention God but his beauty and love is woven throughout. 
One verse I have taken to heart is the charge that the Shulammite poses to the Daughters of Jerusalem. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (Songs 2:7). This is one of the things I know I struggle with the most and it seems to be the same struggle I see all around me. Yet what differs from me and what I see? I realize it's a struggle..not just life, not just "the game".  As I said previously I don't like dating, never have. This verse further strengthens my resolve to wait until God (who is love) is ready, until I AM READY. 

Too many times I have followed my heart, my emotions, and convinced my mind that what I was doing was right. But as I have all too clearly learned "The heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer 17:9). 
The problem is that the love lies are EVERYWHERE. In movies. In music. In books. Everyone wants to have a love like this person or that person. They want to reenact a movie, a book. I've done it. Music is the one for me. I won't lie...I've sat in my car and pretended they were singing that love song about me. I wish for Jack Black from The Holiday to have dinner with me and my old Jewish buddies and go to blockbuster. It's normal and it's poison.

"To be loved to madness-such was her great desire. Love was to her the one cordial which could drive away the eating loneliness of her days. And she seems to long for the abstraction called passionate love more than for any particular lover" Thomas Hardy "The Return of the Native"

That quote...that describes me more than I like to admit.
I hope to grow away from that. To know love as not just a feeling but a verb, an ability. 
I don't want to arouse or awaken love before it so desires. 
I don't want to.

ok so ten minutes later I decide this post needs music
I can't decide which video though, so you pick. Same song, two different yet equally awesome videos.
So you can pick. Aladdin or Jim and Pam


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Boy Crazy...

I felt the urge to write...but have no idea of what. So I'm gonna wiki Timothy really quick....
ok so interesting fact ( already
Paul circumcised Timothy personally (how awkward would that be) because even though his father was Greek his mother was a Jewish Christian.
Not the point..
For some reason this morning I felt the urge to read Timothy. I'm in the midst of the Psalms right now. I've never read them through (how weird is that). I heeded the call to read my bible, which usually comes early in the morning when I would rather sleep and usually end I'm doing so, and I thought nothing of it.
Later in the day conviction hit me like a brick in the head
(if you've seen Home Alone 2 then you know what I mean)
I think my conviction calls for a back-story.

I am not comfortable with dating. Never have been. Don't like going on the dates. I'm entirely better at being friends. And recently it has come to my attention that I'm always the rebound girl (go me.) As more pressure and blind dates come my way I'm starting to find out what the bible says about relations with the opposite sex prior to marriage. Basically seeing how I can approach this season of my life biblically.
1: Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Tim 5:1b)
Treating younger men and women as brothers and sisters in Christ. Not as a potential date or boyfriend/girlfriend (which I am all too guilty of). And not just with purity but ABSOLUTE purity. I don't know what that is yet..but I am very anxious to find out.
2: Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Tim 2:22-23)
First question I had when reading this...what are the evil desires of youth? For me they are lust and coveting. I covet other's relationships entirely more often than I should. I want what they have. I covet the companionship, the comfort, and the fact that they have someone to lean on. And of course I'm attracted to the opposite sex. I have small crushes and romantic interests.
What should I do? Flee.
I don't want to give in to those small crushes with hopes of the same things my friends have.
I want to trust in the Lord, hope in the Lord, wait on the Lord, and above all DELIGHT in the Lord.
That is my prayer.
Other awesome verses in Timothy
The Obvious: Command and teach these things. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an examplee for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the piblic reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. 1 Tim 4:11-13
Watch your life and doctrine closely. Perserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1Tim 4:16
and another (I picture timothy from youth group in this one lol)
But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 2 Tim 3:14-15
and another favorite
Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage-with great patience and careful instruction 2 Tim 4:2 (just love the in season and out of season...ALWAYS)
and lastly
But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry 2 Tim 4:5

That's it for tonight.
We'll see what God has in store
Kinda can't wait

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying


To believe, desire or trust.

I noticed this morning on my way in to work that I have so much hope. Hope in God. Hope in His promises. Hope in His will for my life.

Why do I have so much hope?


I asked and He gave. I knocked and He opened the door. I sought and I found my hope in the Lord, true hope that outlasts circumstances or events. Hope and peace that not only is not expected but also transcends ALL understanding.
I pray that as life happens, as things change for the bad or for the good that my hope will maintain it's constant presence in my life.
Hope is the dream of a soul awake