Monday, June 14, 2010

I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

I read a book of the bible that I have never read before, a book that I didn't think I was mature enough to read for a very long time, but that time did come..and I read it. Song of Solomon. One of those books that never once mention God but his beauty and love is woven throughout. 
One verse I have taken to heart is the charge that the Shulammite poses to the Daughters of Jerusalem. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (Songs 2:7). This is one of the things I know I struggle with the most and it seems to be the same struggle I see all around me. Yet what differs from me and what I see? I realize it's a struggle..not just life, not just "the game".  As I said previously I don't like dating, never have. This verse further strengthens my resolve to wait until God (who is love) is ready, until I AM READY. 

Too many times I have followed my heart, my emotions, and convinced my mind that what I was doing was right. But as I have all too clearly learned "The heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer 17:9). 
The problem is that the love lies are EVERYWHERE. In movies. In music. In books. Everyone wants to have a love like this person or that person. They want to reenact a movie, a book. I've done it. Music is the one for me. I won't lie...I've sat in my car and pretended they were singing that love song about me. I wish for Jack Black from The Holiday to have dinner with me and my old Jewish buddies and go to blockbuster. It's normal and it's poison.

"To be loved to madness-such was her great desire. Love was to her the one cordial which could drive away the eating loneliness of her days. And she seems to long for the abstraction called passionate love more than for any particular lover" Thomas Hardy "The Return of the Native"

That quote...that describes me more than I like to admit.
I hope to grow away from that. To know love as not just a feeling but a verb, an ability. 
I don't want to arouse or awaken love before it so desires. 
I don't want to.

ok so ten minutes later I decide this post needs music
I can't decide which video though, so you pick. Same song, two different yet equally awesome videos.
So you can pick. Aladdin or Jim and Pam


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