For some reason on the way home from work my faith was shaken.
Nothing earth shattering happened.
I didn't have a breakdown.
It was a uneventful drive home.
It wasn't a big shake. It was as though I was standing completely still and a flick of the finger made me teeter on edge.
Do I have faith? According to Paul I do.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11: 1
Confidence in hope. Check. Assurance in the unseen. Check.
Living out that faith.... Hesitation.
How in the world do I live out a faith that is so monumental, so supernatural, so so SO much better than I begin to deserve?
How does one live out a faith that they aren't worthy of?
fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith
Hebrews 12:2 (the context is SO much better)
Not only did Jesus write our faith, he perfected it. He wrote the very details of faith. As J.K. Rowling transports us into the world of Hogwarts, Jesus transports us into the world of faith.
He lived out our faith just as we do.
For the joy set before Him, he endured the cross -- Hebrews 12:2
He knew what was coming. He knew that he would be pierced for our transgressions just as Isaiah had prophesied. But he had confidence in what he hoped for, confidence in what he knew to be true.
I want that kind of confidence, but then I'm scared of that kind of confidence because I know what I have to go through to have it. I want to be gold refined in fire...but the fire scares me half to death.
This is where my faith shakes.
I'm going to pray a prayer that will probably change my life forever.
I pray for the fire.
For the joy set before me I want to endure the fire.
Only then will I truly know if I have faith.