I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

I read a book of the bible that I have never read before, a book that I didn't think I was mature enough to read for a very long time, but that time did come..and I read it. Song of Solomon. One of those books that never once mention God but his beauty and love is woven throughout. 

One verse I have taken to heart is the charge that the Shulammite poses to the Daughters of Jerusalem. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (Songs 2:7). This is one of the things I know I struggle with the most and it seems to be the same struggle I see all around me. Yet what differs from me and what I see? I realize it's a struggle..not just life, not just "the game".  As I said previously I don't like dating, never have. This verse further strengthens my resolve to wait until God (who is love) is ready, until I AM READY. 

Too many times I have followed my heart, my emotions, and convinced my mind that what I was doing was right. But as I have all too clearly learned "The heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer 17:9). 

The problem is that the love lies are EVERYWHERE. In movies. In music. In books. Everyone wants to have a love like this person or that person. They want to reenact a movie, a book. I've done it. Music is the one for me. I won't lie...I've sat in my car and pretended they were singing that love song about me. I wish for Jack Black from The Holiday to have dinner with me and my old Jewish buddies and go to blockbuster. It's normal and it's poison.

"To be loved to madness-such was her great desire. Love was to her the one cordial which could drive away the eating loneliness of her days. And she seems to long for the abstraction called passionate love more than for any particular lover" Thomas Hardy "The Return of the Native"

That quote...that describes me more than I like to admit.

I hope to grow away from that. To know love as not just a feeling but a verb, an ability. 

I don't want to arouse or awaken love before it so desires. 

I don't want to.

ok so ten minutes later I decide this post needs music
I can't decide which video though, so you pick. Same song, two different yet equally awesome videos.
So you can pick. Aladdin or Jim and Pam

 or
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4BjODVXWME&feature=related

Boy Crazy...

I felt the urge to write...but have no idea of what. So I'm gonna wiki Timothy really quick....

STANDBY

ok so interesting fact (well...wiki-facts) already

Paul circumcised Timothy personally (how awkward would that be) because even though his father was Greek his mother was a Jewish Christian.

Not the point..

For some reason this morning I felt the urge to read Timothy. I'm in the midst of the Psalms right now. I've never read them through (how weird is that). I heeded the call to read my bible, which usually comes early in the morning when I would rather sleep and usually end I'm doing so, and I thought nothing of it.

Later in the day conviction hit me like a brick in the head

(if you've seen Home Alone 2 then you know what I mean)

I think my conviction calls for a back-story.

Fact. 

I am not comfortable with dating. Never have been. Don't like going on the dates. I'm entirely better at being friends. And recently it has come to my attention that I'm always the rebound girl (go me.) As more pressure and blind dates come my way I'm starting to find out what the bible says about relations with the opposite sex prior to marriage. Basically seeing how I can approach this season of my life biblically.

1: Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Tim 5:1b)

Treating younger men and women as brothers and sisters in Christ. Not as a potential date or boyfriend/girlfriend (which I am all too guilty of). And not just with purity but ABSOLUTE purity. I don't know what that is yet..but I am very anxious to find out.

2: Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Tim 2:22-23)

First question I had when reading this...what are the evil desires of youth? For me they are lust and coveting. I covet other's relationships entirely more often than I should. I want what they have. I covet the companionship, the comfort, and the fact that they have someone to lean on. And of course I'm attracted to the opposite sex. I have small crushes and romantic interests.

What should I do? Flee.

I don't want to give in to those small crushes with hopes of the same things my friends have.

I want to trust in the Lord, hope in the Lord, wait on the Lord, and above all DELIGHT in the Lord.

That is my prayer.

Other awesome verses in Timothy

The Obvious: Command and teach these things. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an examplee for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the piblic reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. 1 Tim 4:11-13

and

Watch your life and doctrine closely. Perserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1Tim 4:16

and another (I picture timothy from youth group in this one lol)

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 2 Tim 3:14-15

and another favorite

Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage-with great patience and careful instruction 2 Tim 4:2 (just love the in season and out of season...ALWAYS)

and lastly

But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry 2 Tim 4:5

That's it for tonight.

We'll see what God has in store

Kinda can't wait

=)

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

HOPE.

To believe, desire or trust.

I noticed this morning on my way in to work that I have so much hope. Hope in God. Hope in His promises. Hope in His will for my life.

Why do I have so much hope?

God.

I asked and He gave. I knocked and He opened the door. I sought and I found my hope in the Lord, true hope that outlasts circumstances or events. Hope and peace that not only is not expected but also transcends ALL understanding.

I pray that as life happens, as things change for the bad or for the good that my hope will maintain it's constant presence in my life.

 

Hope is the dream of a soul awake

For God so loved the world...

Those words used to mean nothing to me. Growing up in church, hearing those words from a young age, made the words meaningless to me. They were just words.

 In middle school and high school I used to envy those who didn't grow up in church, who read the Bible and saw the Word of God with fresh eyes and new heart. I had the same heart I've always had and reading the Bible was just rereading the stories I've heard all of my life. I didn't truly understand just what God did, why Jesus came, and what God is doing in and around us.

We've been studying Romans 8 at church. Sadly, I haven't been there for all of it but tonight's message really hit home with me. 

If you've read my past notes you know that I am in love with Love. The songs, the gestures, the books, the thoughts, and most of all the One who IS Love. I yearn to love God more and I pray that that yearning will never go away and will only get stronger. As I learn what love is and how to put it into action I've learned to fully love my family, friends, and even those I can't barely stand. If you want to learn more about love I recommend reading "The Four Loves" by CS Lewis or "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Both will open your heart to what love truly is. 

"Some of the most profound things are simple yet hard to understand" That's exactly what God's love is. I wish there was another word I could use besides "love" It has so many meanings and for some it has so many negative connotations. 

"He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" This verse comforts me to my core. If God sent what He loved most, His only Son, to DIE for me what makes me think he wouldn't take care of me in every other area of my life? What makes me think He doesn't care?

Jehu....

Kings. Leaders of kingdoms. Rulers of people. So much power in one man.

I have been reading about so many kings lately. The kings of Israel and the kings of Judah. Starting with David and going onward. They have faced so many trials. Won and lost so many battles. Were given every opportunity to turn to their God and more often than not they turned to other gods instead of the one TRUE God.

Jehu.

He was anointed king in secret by a prophet that Elisha had sent. After anointing him the prophet just ran out the door. Anointing a king while a king is still on the throne is...umm...treason. Probably punishable by death. When Jehu came out of the room his friends asked him about the "maniac" Jehu brushed it off nonchalantly but his friends pushed him. Once Jehu told them that he was anointed king they laid down their cloaks for his feet and celebrated. (2 Kings 9:1-13)

What I loved about Jehu was his confidence. On the day of the confrontation King Joram sent two horsemen out to see if Jehu came in peace. Jehu told both horsemen "What do you know about peace? Fall in behind me" and they did. That's a man getting stuff DONE! When asked point blank by King Joram if Jehu came in peace he replied "How can there be peace as long as all the idolarty and witchcraft of your mother Jezebel abound" Buuuuuurn. Then Jehu shot King Joram in the heart. (2 Kings 9:17-29)

"Shot through the heart and you're to blame. You give love a bad name"

Sorry...it couldn't be helped.

And after he killed Jehu he also killed the king of Judah. Prophecy was fulfilled. And on top of all that. He killed Jezebel too. She was thrown from a window and horses trampled her. When they went out to bury her nothing was left but her skull, her feet, and her hands. Prophecy again fulfilled. "Jezebel's body will by like dung on the ground in the plot at Jezreel, so that no one wil be able to say, 'This is Jezebel' " (2 Kings 9:30-37)

Jehu reformed Israel and Judah. Servants of Baal were killed (2 Kings 10:18-27), Ashereh poles were taken down and prophecy fulfilled.

The Lord blessed Jehu but he still didn't keep the laws of God. (2 Kings 10:30-31) Jehu still rocked in my book though!

Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day

Yesterday two of my closest friends vowed to love and cherish each other til death. Even sitting here I want to cry happy tears at the sight of my mind's eye. I have never seen anything so beautiful, so wonderful, and so right. For the past two years these friends have shown me what true commitment is, despite all of the odds stacked against them. And now they are getting ready to go on their honeymoon cruise and reaping all of the benefits of being "just married" and knowing Alex like I do...I KNOW he is using the "we're on our honeymoon" line like crazy. 
His face when he saw her was priceless....I don't think he was able to move for a minute or two. 

I'm just so overcome with joy and happiness that I want to spill over and just watching them glide around the room (opposite sides of course...I love how that happens at weddings) and watching them share this special day with friends and family. I know this is a day I will lock in my memory to save for a time when it seems everything is against me. I can look back on this day, smile, and know that life is wonderful

Disturb Me

My Prayer

Disturb us Lord

Disturb us, Lord, when

We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.


Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wider seas

Where storms will show your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back

The horizons of our hopes;

And to push into the future

In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Sir Francis Drake -1577

The Louisville Project